It’s not easy to bring up the idea of couples therapy. You might worry your partner will get defensive, feel blamed, or think you believe the relationship is doomed.
But couples therapy isn’t about pointing fingers—it’s about working as a team to strengthen your connection. If you’re wondering how to talk to your partner about trying therapy together, here are some practical, respectful tips to help you navigate the conversation.
Choose the Right Moment
Don’t bring it up in the heat of an argument or when tensions are high. Pick a calm, private time when you’re both relatively relaxed. For example:
“Can we talk about something important when you’re not too busy tonight?”
Setting the stage for a gentle, intentional discussion can make all the difference.
Use “We” Language
Framing therapy as something you’ll do together—rather than something they need—reduces defensiveness.
Try saying:
“I think we could both benefit from talking with someone.”
“I’d like us to feel closer and more connected. Maybe a therapist could help us get there.”
Avoid language that sounds like blame, such as “You need therapy” or “You’re the problem.”
Be Honest About Your Feelings
Share why you’re suggesting it, with vulnerability and care.
For example:
“I love you, and I feel like we’ve been struggling to really understand each other lately.”
“I’m worried we’ll keep having the same arguments, and I want us to break the pattern.”
Being open about your own fears and hopes shows you’re invested in the relationship—not attacking your partner.
Normalize Therapy
Many people still think therapy is only for couples in crisis. Explain that it’s a tool for any relationship.
You might say:
“I think therapy could help us communicate better.”
“Even strong couples can benefit from learning new skills.”
Offer to Research Together
Make it collaborative. Instead of saying “I already found a therapist,” invite them in:
Try:
“Would you want to look at some options with me?”
“Let’s see if there’s someone we both feel comfortable with.”
This helps your partner feel ownership over the decision.
Be Patient
Your partner might need time to think about it. Don’t push too hard or issue ultimatums if they’re hesitant at first.
Instead, say:
“I understand you need time. I’ll be here to talk more whenever you’re ready.”
A Gentle Script Example
If you’re not sure how to phrase it, try this:
“I’ve been thinking a lot about us. I love you and I really want us to feel even closer and more connected. I wonder if talking to a couples therapist together could help us with that. What do you think?”
Final Thoughts
Suggesting couples therapy doesn’t mean your relationship is broken. It means you care enough to invest in it.
If you’d like to talk about how couples therapy works or want guidance on getting started, I’d be happy to help. Feel free to contact me for a consultation.
