Simple rules, short timers, and scripts that protect attention and connection
Most couples are not fighting about phones—they’re fighting about attention. “Phubbing” (phone‑snubbing) quietly erodes warmth and makes minor requests feel like interruptions. A weekly device‑down ritual creates predictable windows for real connection without demanding that anyone become a monk. Use this 15‑minute plan to set expectations, run two short connection moments each day, and review once a week.
Why this works
· Predictable attention lowers anxiety. When your partner knows there will be device‑free time, they stop testing or chasing your focus.
· Short, high‑quality moments beat long, distracted ones. Two micro‑connections a day are enough to shift the climate.
· Clarity reduces resentment. Clear yes/no rules replace guesswork and repeated nagging.
The 15‑minute weekly setup (use a timer)
· 1) **Pick two daily micro‑moments** (60–120 seconds each): morning hello, after‑work reunion, or lights‑out. Mark them **device‑free**.
· 2) **Set two household device zones**: table at meals and bed at night. Keep it binary: devices are either face‑down and away, or they’re allowed.
· 3) **Choose a rescue rule** for urgent pings: one sentence out loud—“Emergency text, 30 seconds”—then return.
· 4) **Agree on a weekly check‑in** (5 minutes): Did we keep the moments and zones? What needs adjustment?
· 5) **Post the rules** on the fridge or in a shared note so both can point to them in the moment.
What to say
· Start of a device‑free moment: “Two minutes, full attention, then I’ll check messages.”
· Rescue rule: “Emergency text—30 seconds—then I’m back.”
· Boundary when tempted: “I’m going to put this in the other room so I can be with you.”
· Repair if you slip: “I checked out during our two minutes. My part is picking up the phone. I’m ready to restart now.”
Guardrails and exceptions
· Medical, safety, and work‑on‑call needs come first—name them in advance so they don’t feel like loopholes.
· If you must use a device, narrate it: “Timer for pasta, back in 10 seconds.”
· Family nights can be flexible—choose one movie night with phones parked in a basket.
Troubleshooting
· One partner forgets: place visual cues (charging station by the door, basket on the table).
· Moments feel awkward: script them; use the same three moves for a week before changing.
· Rules feel rigid: keep the spirit (attention) and renegotiate the letter (times/locations) during the weekly review.
· Pushback about freedom: emphasize choice—these are short, agreed windows, not a 24/7 ban.
