Reclaiming Connection: Digital Hygiene and the Problem of Phubbing

Why Digital Habits Matter in Relationships

We live in an age where phones are both lifelines and landmines. While they connect us to work, friends, and endless information, they can quietly erode the most important connection of all—the one with our partner. “Phubbing”—phone + snubbing—is the act of prioritizing your device over the person in front of you. It may seem harmless, but repeated over time, it chips away at intimacy, trust, and emotional safety.

The Hidden Costs of Phubbing

• Erosion of presence. Even quick glances at your screen signal to your partner: “This moment isn’t important.”

• Conflict creep. Studies show that couples report more frequent arguments when devices intrude into conversations.

• Loneliness in company. A partner sitting next to you while you scroll can feel more isolating than physical distance.

Step‑by‑Step Guidance for Digital Hygiene

Step 1. Take an inventory. For one day, notice how often your phone interrupts shared moments—meals, car rides, bedtime.

Step 2. Name your hotspots. Identify two or three high‑value connection times most disrupted by screens.

Step 3. Create phone‑free zones. Examples: no phones at the table, during the first 15 minutes after arriving home, or in the bedroom at night.

Step 4. Replace, don’t just remove. Substitute scrolling with rituals—walks, tea together, or simply checking in: “How was your day?”

Step 5. Hold each other gently accountable. Use humor or cues instead of blame: “Hey, looks like we’re both drifting into the scroll zone.”

Scripts for Real Life

• At dinner: “Let’s both put our phones in the basket until we’re done eating.”

• When tempted to scroll: “I caught myself checking out. Let me put this down so I can really hear you.”

• For repair: “I realize I was phubbing just now. Can we rewind a bit? I want to give you my full attention.”

Research Snapshot

A 2023 study of 3,000 couples across five countries found that phubbing was significantly correlated with lower relationship satisfaction, even after controlling for stress and work hours. In plain English: when phones intrude on conversations, partners feel less valued, less understood, and less connected—no matter how busy their lives are otherwise.

Troubleshooting

• “My partner works on their phone.” Differentiate between work necessity and habit. Agree on brief check‑ins vs. endless availability.

• “We relapse.” Expect slip‑ups. What matters is naming them quickly and returning to connection.

• “It feels awkward.” New rituals always feel clunky. With consistency, they become natural.

Try This Tonight (10 Minutes)

1. Place both phones in another room.

2. Share one highlight and one stressor from the day.

3. Reflect back what you heard before adding your own.

4. End with one appreciation.

Digital devices aren’t going away, but the way you use them is within your control. Practicing digital hygiene is less about restriction and more about reclaiming presence. If you and your partner struggle to stay connected in the scroll‑saturated world, therapy can help reset those habits. At Jackson Hole Behavioral Health, we guide couples to rebuild intentional rituals of attention. Reach out today to begin the process of putting people back before phones.

Stop Talking Past Each Other: Fixing Listening Pitfalls and Interruptions

A one-week plan to slow down, hear the point, and keep conversations productive *

When conversations heat up, most couples don’t have a listening problem—they have a threat problem. Under stress, the nervous system allocates energy to self‑protection, not curiosity. That’s when we interrupt, mind‑read, stack rebuttals, or solve too early. The good news: a few tiny, repeatable behaviors can lower threat and make listening reliable again.

Why we miss the point when it matters

• Threat shortcuts. When something feels risky, the brain predicts rather than listens, filling gaps with old narratives.

• Cognitive overload. Juggling content + emotion + history = too much; we rush the process to get relief.

• Unclear roles. If we don’t know whether the goal is understanding or solving, we do neither well.

Five common listening pitfalls

1. Mind‑reading. Assuming intent: “You don’t care.”

2. Stacking rebuttals. Crafting your next point instead of tracking theirs.

3. Interruptions. Jumping in to clarify, correct, or contain emotion.

4. Cross‑examining. Rapid‑fire clarifiers that feel like a trap.

5. Solving too early. Offering fixes before the core need is clear.

The one‑week reset (7 short reps)

Day 1 — Name the job. Before a talk, choose: understand or solve. If “understand,” no suggestions for five minutes.
Day 2 — Two‑minute turns. Speaker gets 120 seconds uninterrupted. Listener uses R‑V‑E: Reflect, Validate, Empathize.
Day 3 — The summary line. End each turn with: “The most important thing I heard was ___.”
Day 4 — Question quality. Replace “why” with “what/when/how,” one question per minute.
Day 5 — Interrupt repair. If you cut in, say, “I interrupted—please finish,” then summarize their last sentence.
Day 6 — Feelings before fixes. Ask, “What’s hard about this for you?” Then brainstorm one tiny step.
Day 7 — Review ritual. What made listening easier? What would make it 10% easier next week?

Copy‑ready scripts (use tonight)

• Interruption repair: “I jumped in. Please finish; then I’ll summarize what I heard.”

• Clarifying check: “Here’s what I think you mean: ____. What did I miss?”

• Pace setter: “Let’s take two‑minute turns. I’ll listen first and reflect back.”

Two micro‑skills that change the tone

• R‑V‑E in one breath: “So ___; that makes sense because ___; I imagine you feel ___—did I get that right?”

• The one‑sentence problem: Keep people out of the sentence. “We don’t have a predictable plan for mornings.”

Plain‑English research snapshot

• Perceived partner responsiveness (feeling understood and cared for) consistently predicts intimacy, better emotion regulation, and relationship satisfaction. Listening turns that reflect accuracy and care directly build this perception.

• Interruptions tend to increase negative affect and derail speaker organization, especially under stress; even brief pauses restore coherence.

• Short, structured speaking turns (timed or cued) improve recall and reduce defensiveness compared with open‑ended debates.

Troubleshooting

• “They talk forever.” Use a visible timer and agree on two‑minute turns.

• “I forget the script.” Print R‑V‑E and tape it to the fridge; reading it counts.

• “We still end up fixing.” Run an understand‑only talk first; schedule a separate five‑minute solve sprint.

Try this tonight (5 minutes)

1. Set a two‑minute timer.

2. Speaker shares; listener uses R‑V‑E.

3. Swap.

4. End with each person naming one thing they felt understood about.

Repair Attempts That Work: What to Say When You Want to Reset Mid-Fight

Use short, predictable scripts to interrupt spirals and rejoin as a team

Every couple fights. What makes relationships resilient isn’t conflict avoidance—it’s the ability to repair. A repair attempt is any action or phrase used to interrupt tension and help both partners reconnect. Used early and often, these moves lower emotional threat, restore perspective, and make long-term connection possible. This post offers scripts, timing strategies, and troubleshooting for building a reliable repair toolkit.

Why repairs matter

·       Conflict is inevitable, but disconnection is optional. Repairs are how you find your way back.

·       Successful couples use repair attempts early and frequently—before the conversation spirals.

·       Even clumsy attempts work if both partners learn to recognize and respond with goodwill.

Types of repair attempts

·       **Humor** — light, not mocking. Example: “We’re in it now. Want a timeout and a snack?”

·       **Responsibility** — owning your part. “That sounded sharp. I didn’t mean it that way.”

·       **Reframe** — shifting perspective. “Same team, right? Let’s figure this out together.”

·       **Affection/Touch** — only when safe and welcome. A hand reach or shoulder touch can reset the tone.

·       **Meta-comment** — talking about the process. “We’re stuck. Can we pause and start slower?”

Copy-ready repair scripts

·       “That landed hard. I want to try again.”

·       “Pause—I care more about us than this moment.”

·       “Let me take that back and say it better.”

·       “I’m overwhelmed. Can we slow this down?”

·       “Can we restart with more kindness?”

Step-by-step repair plan (for one conversation)

·       1. **Notice the cue** — rising voices, fast speech, sarcasm, cross-talk.

·       2. **Name the repair** — say the phrase or make the gesture.

·       3. **Wait for a beat** — don’t plow forward. Give space.

·       4. **Restart with clarity** — return to the point with a gentle tone or new framing.

·       5. **Close the loop** — check if your partner is ready to move on. If not, pause again.

Repair timing tips

·       Sooner is better. Use the first signal of escalation as your cue.

·       You don’t need perfect words. Intention and tone matter more.

·       Practice when calm. Scripts land better if you’ve heard them in safe moments first.

Plain-English research snapshot

·       Relationship research highlights repair attempts as a key marker of health and resilience.

·       Couples who recognize and respond positively to repairs—even awkward ones—are more likely to stay together.

·       Timing, tone, and frequency matter more than delivery style. Clunky is fine if it’s earnest.

Troubleshooting

·       Repairs are missed: agree on a few go-to phrases and review them together when calm.

·       One person keeps repairing, the other ignores: set a rule to pause for 10 seconds after a repair is offered.

·       Sarcasm masks the repair: be direct instead—“That was me trying to reconnect.”

·       Repairs escalate conflict: pause and switch to writing if voices stay hot.

Practice this week

·       Pick two repair phrases that feel natural.

·       Tell your partner you want to try them this week.

·       Use them early—at the first sign of tension.

·       At week’s end, ask: “Did my repair land? What helped or got in the way?”

Attachment in Conflict: How Your Past Shapes Your Fights

Attachment in Conflict: How Your Past Shapes Your Fights

Recognize your pattern, respond to theirs, and rewrite the conflict loop

When conflict strikes, many couples find themselves locked in repetitive, frustrating loops. What often drives these patterns isn’t just the issue at hand—it’s attachment. Attachment styles developed in childhood shape how we reach for connection, protect ourselves, and react under stress. By understanding your style (and your partner’s), you can interrupt automatic reactions and create a new way forward together.

What is attachment—and why does it matter in conflict?

·       Attachment theory explains how early relationships influence our strategies for safety and closeness.

·       In adulthood, those strategies emerge when we feel emotionally threatened—especially during arguments.

·       Secure attachment leads to open communication. Insecure styles (anxious, avoidant, disorganized) often drive conflict cycles.

Spotting the patterns in the heat of the moment

·       **Anxious attachment** often shows up as pursuing: repeated texting, interrupting, demanding answers now.

·       **Avoidant attachment** may show up as withdrawing: going silent, shutting down, or avoiding eye contact.

·       **Disorganized attachment** might switch between both—flipping from pursuit to shutdown rapidly.

·       Recognizing the pattern mid-fight allows you to pause and shift from reacting to responding.

Step-by-step guide: Interrupt the loop and reconnect

·       1. **Label your attachment moment** — silently name what’s happening: “I’m in pursue mode” or “I’m shutting down.”

·       2. **Narrate it to your partner** — “I’m pulling away, but I don’t want to disconnect. I need a beat.”

·       3. **Make one regulating move** — slow breath, grounding touch, or use a practiced phrase like:

·          — “I’m feeling unsafe, but I want to stay connected.”

·          — “This is familiar—I want to do it differently this time.”

·       4. **Return to the topic with a different tone or question** — shift to curiosity over accusation.

3 copy-ready scripts

·       “I can feel myself chasing. I care—that’s why I’m intense. Can we slow this?”

·       “I’m shutting down, but I don’t want to leave the conversation. Can I take 10 and come back?”

·       “This is our loop again. What if we both pause and restart softer?”

Plain-English research snapshot

·       Studies show that attachment-related conflict patterns strongly predict relationship satisfaction.

·       Couples who recognize and discuss their patterns—not just their positions—recover from conflict more quickly.

·       Therapies like Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) use this lens to build safety and responsiveness over time.

What to do after the fight

·       Reflect on what pattern showed up—for each of you.

·       Talk about how early relationships may shape current reactions—not to blame, but to understand.

·       Make a micro-plan for next time: one phrase, one pause strategy, one repair move.

Money Talks Without Meltdowns: A 4‑Step Conversation You Can Trust

Money conversations aren’t just about dollars. They’re about safety, fairness, control, and the story each of you learned growing up. That’s why budget chats can turn hot fast. You don’t need a perfect spreadsheet to begin—you need a predictable way to talk that keeps both of you regulated and focused. Below is a 4‑step conversation you can use tonight, plus short scripts, guardrails, and a weekly rhythm to make progress without the drama.

Why money fights feel different

• Threat cues fire quickly. Purchases and surprises can signal risk, which nudges the brain into protection mode and away from collaboration.

• Old narratives get loud. “I have to handle this alone” vs. “I’ll be controlled” are common, even when love is strong.

• Abstractions breed conflict. Arguing values stays vague; agreeing on one small behavior for seven days builds trust.

The 4‑Step Money Conversation

Step 1 — Frame the task (60 seconds). Keep it tiny and solvable: scope, time, and outcome. Timer on.
Script: “Let’s take 12 minutes to pick one small change for groceries this week. We’ll choose a test and review on Sunday.”

Step 2 — R‑V‑E the stories (3–4 minutes). Reflect, Validate, Empathize. Ask “What did I miss?” One minute per partner.
Script: “You feel anxious when totals swing because it signals we might miss a bill. That makes sense; variable weeks are stressful. I imagine there’s pressure in your chest—did I get that right?”

Step 3 — Write the one‑sentence problem (90 seconds). Neutral, specific, behavior‑focused.
Template: “We don’t have a predictable plan for [category] during [time window].”

Step 4 — Pick one tiny test (5–6 minutes). A 7‑day experiment you can judge as done/not done. Calendar it.
Examples: cap variable grocery runs at two; tag purchases over $50; small weekly no‑questions allowances.

Copy‑ready scripts

• Gentle start‑up: “I feel tense about the end‑of‑month squeeze. I’d like us to pick one small rule for groceries this week and review it Sunday.”

• Repair mid‑talk: “That landed sharp. My part is interrupting. I want to get this right—can we restart slower?”

• Boundary on overwhelm: “I’m getting flooded. Pause button. I’ll be back at 7:40 to finish choosing one step.”

Guardrails that keep it safe

• Numbers before narratives. One topic at a time. Short, predictable meetings. Device face‑down; narrate urgent pings and return.

Weekly rhythm (15 minutes, every Sunday)

1. Two appreciations. 2) Review last week’s test: keep/tweak/drop. 3) Pick the next tiny test and a closing ritual.

Plain‑English research snapshot

Financial stress is a common source of chronic conflict. What helps isn’t one grand overhaul but reliable coordination: brief, repeated check‑ins, clear roles, and visible information. Feeling understood reduces defensiveness and improves problem‑solving—which is why R‑V‑E turns and small 7‑day tests work.

Troubleshooting

• “We keep blowing the budget.” Shrink the test window or the category.

• “One of us hates spreadsheets.” Use a whiteboard or a shared note with three buckets: Must‑Pay, Flexible, Fun.

• “We avoid the talk.” Put a 12‑minute recurring meeting on the calendar.

• “A surprise expense derails us.” Add a small “oops” buffer and review to learn, not to blame.

Try this tonight (5‑minute starter)

State the scope → trade 60‑second R‑V‑E turns → write the sentence → choose one tiny test → schedule Sunday review.

The Weekly Device‑Down Ritual: A 15‑Minute Plan to Stop Phone Fights Before They Start

Simple rules, short timers, and scripts that protect attention and connection

Most couples are not fighting about phones—they’re fighting about attention. “Phubbing” (phone‑snubbing) quietly erodes warmth and makes minor requests feel like interruptions. A weekly device‑down ritual creates predictable windows for real connection without demanding that anyone become a monk. Use this 15‑minute plan to set expectations, run two short connection moments each day, and review once a week.

Why this works

·       Predictable attention lowers anxiety. When your partner knows there will be device‑free time, they stop testing or chasing your focus.

·       Short, high‑quality moments beat long, distracted ones. Two micro‑connections a day are enough to shift the climate.

·       Clarity reduces resentment. Clear yes/no rules replace guesswork and repeated nagging.

The 15‑minute weekly setup (use a timer)

·       1) **Pick two daily micro‑moments** (60–120 seconds each): morning hello, after‑work reunion, or lights‑out. Mark them **device‑free**.

·       2) **Set two household device zones**: table at meals and bed at night. Keep it binary: devices are either face‑down and away, or they’re allowed.

·       3) **Choose a rescue rule** for urgent pings: one sentence out loud—“Emergency text, 30 seconds”—then return.

·       4) **Agree on a weekly check‑in** (5 minutes): Did we keep the moments and zones? What needs adjustment?

·       5) **Post the rules** on the fridge or in a shared note so both can point to them in the moment.

What to say

·       Start of a device‑free moment: “Two minutes, full attention, then I’ll check messages.”

·       Rescue rule: “Emergency text—30 seconds—then I’m back.”

·       Boundary when tempted: “I’m going to put this in the other room so I can be with you.”

·       Repair if you slip: “I checked out during our two minutes. My part is picking up the phone. I’m ready to restart now.”

Guardrails and exceptions

·       Medical, safety, and work‑on‑call needs come first—name them in advance so they don’t feel like loopholes.

·       If you must use a device, narrate it: “Timer for pasta, back in 10 seconds.”

·       Family nights can be flexible—choose one movie night with phones parked in a basket.

Troubleshooting

·       One partner forgets: place visual cues (charging station by the door, basket on the table).

·       Moments feel awkward: script them; use the same three moves for a week before changing.

·       Rules feel rigid: keep the spirit (attention) and renegotiate the letter (times/locations) during the weekly review.

·       Pushback about freedom: emphasize choice—these are short, agreed windows, not a 24/7 ban.

The 20-Minute Relationship Meeting: Keep Small Problems Small

If most arguments start as tiny frictions that snowball, the fix isn’t a marathon “clear-the-air” session—it’s a short, reliable meeting that prevents pileups. A weekly 20-minute relationship meeting gives you a safe container to trade appreciations, handle logistics, surface feelings, and pick one small improvement before stress turns a pebble into a hillside.

Why this works

• Predictability lowers defensiveness. When you know there’s a scheduled time to talk, you’re less likely to ambush each other mid-stress.

• Short beats perfect. Brief, repeated touchpoints create momentum and reduce avoidance.

• Skill practice, not catharsis. You’ll rehearse gentle start-ups, quick reflections (R-V-E), and tiny experiments that are easy to sustain.

The 20-minute agenda (use a timer)

1. Appreciations (2 min)
   Two specific thanks each: “Thanks for handling bedtime when I ran late,” “I appreciated your check-in before the call.” This warms the room and counters negativity bias.

2. Logistics (6 min)
   Calendars, money, chores, childcare—fast and concrete. When a topic heats up, write a one-sentence problem(“We don’t have a plan for mornings”) and schedule deeper problem-solving later.

3. Feelings check (5 min)
   Each shares one feeling up and one feeling down from the week. Partner reflects using R-V-E: Reflect the gist, Validate the logic, Empathize with the feeling. Ask, “What did I miss?” Keep it 60–90 seconds each.

4. One improvement (5 min)
   Choose one small, testable step for the next 7 days. Example: “Set a 10-minute kitchen reset after dinner, Sun–Thu.” Calendar it.

5. Closing ritual (2 min)
   Short and consistent: a walk around the block, tea on the porch, or a six-second kiss. Rituals turn practice into identity.

Scripts you can borrow

• Opening: “Same team? Two minutes of appreciations, then logistics.”

• R-V-E reflection: “So the mornings feel rushed. That makes sense with both of our starts. I imagine you feel on edge—did I get that right?”

• Parking a topic: “This needs more than five minutes. Let’s park it and schedule a problem-solving sprint Wednesday.”

• Picking the step: “What’s one change that would make this 10% easier this week?”

Evidence-based nudges (plain-English)

• Regular routines and rituals are linked with better coordination and relationship health; predictability reduces friction.

• Feeling understood and validated increases closeness and lowers defensiveness—exactly what the R-V-E mini-turn builds.

• Money friction predicts ongoing stress; brief, recurring check-ins outperform rare, high-stakes talks.

• Protect attention: designate device-free zones during the meeting to avoid “phone snubbing,” which erodes satisfaction.

Variations for real life

• Parents of young kids: 15-minute micro-version during nap; use a shared note for the “parked” list.

• Shift workers: run two 10-minute meetings per week synced to your rotations.

• Long-distance: meet on video; type appreciations in chat, speak feelings aloud.

• ADHD/Autism-friendly: visual agenda on a whiteboard; use timers, written ground rules, and concrete examples.

Troubleshooting

• One person dominates. Use a visible timer and alternate who speaks first each week.

• Meetings feel cold. Lead with appreciations and end with a ritual—warmth is part of the job.

• Nothing sticks. Your steps are too big. Shrink the behavior or the timeframe until success is easy.

• We keep canceling. Move the meeting to a time you already protect (after Sunday coffee) and treat it like any other appointment.

A 4-week starter plan

• Week 1: Learn the agenda; write 3–5 ground rules; run a 10-minute version.

• Week 2: Add R-V-E reflections to the feelings check.

• Week 3: Introduce the one-sentence problem and pick a tiny step.

• Week 4: Protect a closing ritual you’ll actually keep.

Measure what matters

• Did we meet? Y/N

• Number of appreciations exchanged

• One step chosen? Y/N

• Confidence in the step (0–10)

• Overall climate this week (0–10)

If your climate score rises and meetings become easier to keep, you’re doing it right. If not, simplify the agenda and shrink the weekly step until you’re reliably successful.

How to De-Escalate an Argument in 10 Minutes (Without Avoiding the Issue)

Arguments happen—even in strong relationships. The goal isn’t to never disagree; it’s to keep conflict safe and productive so you can get back to understanding each other. Below is a therapist-tested, 10-minute plan you can use the next time things get hot.

Step 1: Call a Pause (Not a Shutdown)

• Say: “I want to solve this with you. I’m getting flooded and need 10 minutes so I don’t say something hurtful. Let’s pick this back up at :.”

• Do: Slow breathing, quick walk, water, or splash cold water on wrists.

• Don’t: Storm off, slam doors, or keep arguing from the other room.

Why it works: When your heart rate spikes, your brain’s problem-solving goes offline. A brief pause lets your nervous system reset so you can think clearly again.

Step 2: Name the Pattern (Team vs. Problem)

• Say: “I notice I pursue and you pull back. Let’s stay on the same team against the problem.”

• Do: Sit shoulder-to-shoulder or at 45°, not face-off.

• Don’t: Keep score or try to “win.”

Step 3: Use a One-Sentence Problem Statement

• Try: “The problem is we’re both exhausted at bedtime, and we haven’t planned chores, so it turns into a fight.”

• Avoid: Character attacks (“You’re lazy”), mind-reading (“You don’t care”), or always/never language.

Step 4: Share What Matters + One Clear Ask

Use this quick script:

• When… (describe the situation)

• I feel… (name your feeling)

• Because… (why it matters to you)

• My ask… (specific, doable request)

Example: “When the kitchen is left messy at night, I feel overwhelmed because mornings are rushed. Could we set a 10-minute clean-up timer after dinner?”

Step 5: Agree on One Next Step + Time Frame

Keep it bite-sized: one change you can test for a week. Put it on the calendar and circle back to review what worked.

Say This Instead of That (Quick Swaps)

• ❌ “You always overreact.” → ✅ “I’m getting overwhelmed. Can we slow down?”

• ❌ “You never listen.” → ✅ “I want to make sure I’m hearing you. What feels most important right now?”

• ❌ “Forget it.” → ✅ “I need 10 minutes, then I’ll come back.”

Mini Repair Checklist (Use After Any Argument)

• Acknowledge impact: “I see that hurt.”

• Own your part: “I interrupted and got defensive.”

• Validate: “It makes sense you felt dismissed.”

• Recommit: “I want us to feel like a team.”

• Plan: “Let’s try the 10-minute clean-up for a week.”

Understanding the Freeze Response: A Common Trauma Reaction

When we talk about trauma, we often hear about the "fight or flight" response — the body's instinct to confront danger or escape it. But there’s a third response that’s just as important, and often less understood: freeze.

What Is the Freeze Response?

The freeze response is your nervous system’s way of protecting you when danger feels inescapable or overwhelming. Instead of fighting back or running away, your body may go still. This can look like:

• Feeling paralyzed or stuck

• Going numb emotionally or physically

• Detaching from your body or surroundings (dissociation)

• Going quiet or unable to speak

• “Spacing out” during stressful situations

From a biological standpoint, freezing is a survival strategy. For some people, especially those who have experienced repeated or complex trauma, this reaction becomes ingrained — even when they are no longer in danger.

Why Does This Happen?

The freeze response is controlled by your autonomic nervous system, which constantly scans for danger (a process called neuroception). When it perceives that fight or flight won't work — like in the case of abuse, helplessness, or overwhelming fear — it triggers the freeze state. It’s not a choice. It’s not weakness. It’s how your body tried to keep you safe.

Signs You Might Be Experiencing a Freeze Response

Many people who experience freeze reactions don’t realize what’s happening. You might notice:

• You feel like you're "shutting down" when overwhelmed

• You lose track of time or feel disconnected from reality

• You find it difficult to take action or make decisions

• You feel emotionally numb during conflict or stress

• You zone out frequently, especially during intense emotions

These signs can show up in daily life — in relationships, at work, or even in therapy — and can leave you feeling confused, ashamed, or broken. But the truth is, your nervous system is doing exactly what it was designed to do.

Healing from Freeze: How Therapy Can Help

Working with a trauma-informed therapist can help you understand and regulate your nervous system. Some of the ways therapy may help include:

• Psychoeducation — Learning about your trauma response helps reduce shame and build understanding.

• Somatic interventions — These approaches help you reconnect with your body safely and gently.

• Mindfulness and grounding techniques — These tools can bring you back into the present moment when you feel dissociated or overwhelmed.

• Building a felt sense of safety — Therapy can help create space for your nervous system to learn that you are no longer in danger.

Recovery from freeze doesn’t happen overnight — but it does happen. As you build awareness and tools to respond differently, you begin to create new, safer patterns.

Final Thoughts

If you’ve ever found yourself unable to act, shutting down under pressure, or emotionally frozen — know that you’re not broken. You’re human. Your body did what it needed to survive.

Why You Keep Getting Triggered—and What to Do About It

Have you ever had a big reaction to something small—a tone of voice, a missed text, a facial expression—and thought, “Why did that hit me so hard?” You’re not alone. These moments are called emotional triggers, and they often point to unresolved pain beneath the surface.

What Is a Trigger?

A trigger is any experience that activates an intense emotional response—often out of proportion to the moment. It can be caused by a word, behavior, memory, or even a smell. Triggers are usually tied to past trauma, stress, or unmet needs.

Common Signs You’re Triggered:

• You feel flooded with emotion (anger, panic, shame)

• Your heart races or chest tightens

• You feel out of control or want to shut down

• You lash out, withdraw, or cry suddenly

These reactions aren’t “overreactions”—they’re protective responses your nervous system learned during overwhelming or painful experiences.

Why Triggers Happen

Our brains are designed to protect us. When something reminds us—consciously or unconsciously—of past pain, the brain sends signals that activate fight, flight, or freeze. You might not remember the original wound, but your body does.

You might be triggered by:

• Tone of voice that reminds you of a critical parent

• Being ignored, which echoes childhood neglect

• Conflict that feels like past abuse or chaos

What You Can Do:

1. Pause and Breathe
   The moment you feel triggered, slow down. Deep breathing signals your body that you’re safe now.

2. Name the Feeling
   Saying, “I feel scared” or “This reminds me of being ignored” helps your brain shift from reaction to reflection.

3. Get Curious, Not Critical
   Instead of shaming yourself—“Why am I like this?”—ask, “What is this trying to show me?”

4. Soothe Your Nervous System
   Try grounding techniques: feel your feet on the floor, hold something cold, or press your palms together.

5. Talk About It in Therapy
   Unpacking your triggers in a safe space helps you heal the root, not just manage the reaction.

You Can Heal from Triggers

You’re not broken. You’re responding the way your system was wired to protect you. With therapy, self-awareness, and compassion, you can stop being hijacked by past pain—and start responding from a place of calm and strength.

How to De-Escalate Fights with Your Partner: 5 Therapist-Approved Tips

Even the healthiest relationships involve conflict—but how you handle those arguments can either strengthen your bond or cause more harm. When emotions run high, it’s easy to say things you don’t mean, shut down, or spiral into blame and defensiveness.

As a couples therapist, I often remind clients: the goal isn’t to avoid all conflict. It’s to repair and reconnect quicklywhen it happens.

Here are five simple, research-based tips to help you and your partner de-escalate fights and return to connection.

1. Use a “Pause” Signal

When either of you feels overwhelmed, agree to use a neutral word (like “timeout” or “pause”) as a way to temporarily step away from the argument. Take 20–30 minutes to calm down before coming back to the conversation.

Why it works: Our brains don’t process well when we’re in fight-or-flight mode. A break can restore access to empathy and logic.

2. Shift from Blame to Curiosity

Instead of saying, “You never listen to me,” try: “I’ve been feeling unheard lately—can we talk about that?”

Therapist tip: Curiosity reduces defensiveness. Blame fuels it.

3. Focus on One Issue at a Time

Couples often stack multiple frustrations into one fight. It’s more productive to stick with one issue and table the others for later.

Pro tip: If you're tempted to say “and another thing…”—pause and write it down for later.

4. Mirror Back What You Hear

Before responding, try to repeat what your partner said in your own words. For example: “So you’re feeling shut out when I work late without calling—did I get that right?”

Why it matters: Feeling truly heard is often more important than fixing the problem right away.

5. End with a Reconnect Ritual

After an argument, even a small act of affection—like a hug, apology, or shared cup of tea—can help reset your nervous systems and rebuild safety.

Reconnection matters: It reminds both of you that you’re on the same team, even when you disagree.

Final Thoughts
No couple avoids conflict entirely. But with the right tools, you can learn to de-escalate and repair faster—building a relationship that’s both strong and resilient.

How to Stop Fighting and Start Talking: The Four Habits That Can Save Your Relationship

You love your partner — but sometimes, conversations spiral into arguments that leave you both hurt and disconnected. Sound familiar?

Most couples don’t struggle because they don’t care. They struggle because their communication patterns aren’t working. That’s where the Gottman Method comes in, offering clear tools to change how you talk, listen, and connect.

At the heart of this method is something called the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse — four patterns of communication that predict relationship distress. The good news? Each one has a powerful antidote.

1. Criticism → Try a Gentle Start-Up

Instead of: “You never help me with anything.”
Try: “I’ve been feeling overwhelmed lately. Can we figure out chores together?”

Gentle start-ups are softer, more respectful ways to express your needs without blame.

2. Contempt → Practice Appreciation

Contempt sounds like sarcasm, name-calling, or eye-rolling — and it’s the number one predictor of divorce. The antidote is daily appreciation:

“I really noticed how hard you worked this week — thank you.”

3. Defensiveness → Own Your Part

Rather than: “That’s not my fault!”
Try: “You’re right, I could’ve handled that better.”

Taking even a small amount of responsibility defuses tension and invites cooperation.

4. Stonewalling → Take a Break, Then Reconnect

When overwhelmed, some people shut down. That’s stonewalling.
Instead of disappearing emotionally, say:

“I need a 20-minute break to calm down, and then I’d love to keep talking.”

Therapy Can Help You Relearn How to Talk

These habits may sound simple, but when you’re stressed or triggered, they’re hard to put into practice alone. That’s where couples therapy can help. I work with individuals and couples to replace hurtful patterns with meaningful connection and communication

Feeling Stuck This Summer? Why It Might Be Time for Therapy

Summer in Jackson Hole is often associated with adventure, sunshine, and beauty. But if you’ve found yourself feeling emotionally drained or mentally off-track—you're not alone.

While longer days and warm weather might lift some people’s moods, others experience what I call “seasonal burnout.”The pressure to “enjoy every moment” or “make the most of summer” can be overwhelming—especially if you're already carrying emotional stress.

Common Signs of Summer Burnout

• Feeling numb or detached, even during enjoyable activities

• Increased irritability, anxiety, or difficulty sleeping

• Guilt or shame for not “feeling happy enough”

• Avoiding social events or overcommitting to stay distracted

• Feeling stuck in old patterns that you thought you’d moved past

If any of this sounds familiar, therapy might help you reset and reconnect with yourself.

Why Summer Can Stir Up Emotional Challenges

Transitions often bring up old emotions—whether it's a change in pace, travel, family dynamics, or simply having more “space” in your schedule. Many people find that their internal world becomes louder when life slows down, even briefly.

As a Jackson Hole therapist, I work with people who look like they “have it all together” on the outside—but inside, they’re carrying anxiety, grief, trauma, or self-doubt.

Therapy is a safe, confidential space to unpack that emotional weight without judgment.

How Therapy Can Help You Recenter

In therapy, we slow things down. Together, we explore your emotions, your past, and what you need now—not to fix you, but to help you feel more grounded, empowered, and emotionally clear.

Whether you’re facing:

• Anxiety or overthinking

• Relationship stress or disconnection

• Grief or unresolved trauma

• Burnout or self-doubt

Therapy offers a place to pause, reflect, and grow.

What Therapy Really Looks Like: It’s Not Just Talking

What Therapy Really Looks Like: It’s Not Just Talking

If you’ve ever thought, “I don’t know what I’d even say in therapy,” you’re not alone. A lot of people imagine therapy as lying on a couch while a stranger nods silently or asks, “And how does that make you feel?”

In reality, therapy is much more dynamic—and much more personal.

Therapy in Jackson Hole: A Safe Space to Heal

Therapy isn’t about someone giving you advice or quick fixes. It’s about creating a safe, nonjudgmental space where youcan explore your thoughts, emotions, and experiences. This is especially important when you're working with a trauma-informed therapist in Jackson Hole, where the goal is to feel supported and understood at your pace.

Yes, you’ll talk. But more importantly, you'll learn to hear yourself in new ways. Whether you're dealing with stress, anxiety, or relational patterns, therapy in Jackson Hole can help you reconnect with your inner strength.

What to Expect in Therapy:

• Understanding how your past impacts your present

• Naming and regulating emotions without shame

• Learning communication and boundary-setting skills

• Finding tools to cope with anxiety, depression, or trauma

• Working toward goals that feel grounded and realistic

Whether you're starting individual therapy or couples counseling, each session is designed to help you move forward—even if progress feels slow at first.

You Don’t Have to Be in Crisis to Start Therapy

Many people begin therapy during a major life change or emotional low point—but therapy is just as powerful when you're simply feeling stuck or unsure.

As a private pay therapist in Jackson Hole, I offer flexibility, personalized attention, and deep emotional work without the limitations of insurance. You don’t need a diagnosis to get support—you just need a willingness to show up for yourself.

Therapy Options for Jackson Hole and Beyond

I offer both in-person therapy in Jackson Hole and online therapy across Wyoming, so whether you're in town, up the mountain, or out of reach of traditional services, you can still access support.

Not sure where to start? That’s okay. You don’t need to have all the answers. Therapy is a place to begin—even when you don’t know what the next step is.

Ready to Talk?

If you’ve been thinking about reaching out for therapy in Jackson Hole, I’d love to hear from you. Whether you're looking for trauma therapy, support for anxiety and depression, or couples therapy, you deserve a space where your story is heard and honored.

“Am I Just Burned Out or Actually Depressed?”

Meta Description: Burnout and depression can look similar—but they aren’t the same. Learn the key differences and how therapy can help you recover.
Target Keywords: burnout vs depression, signs of burnout, emotional exhaustion, therapy for burnout, depression help

In a world where productivity is often worn like a badge of honor, it’s no surprise that so many people feel overwhelmed, exhausted, and emotionally numb. But how do you know if you’re just burned out—or if what you’re feeling might actually be depression?

It’s a question many people ask themselves when life starts to feel unmanageable. Understanding the difference can help you take the right next steps toward feeling better.

What Is Burnout?

Burnout is a state of emotional, mental, and often physical exhaustion caused by prolonged stress—especially in work, caregiving, or high-pressure environments. It’s incredibly common, especially among helping professionals, parents, and high-achievers.

Common signs of burnout include:

• Feeling constantly drained, even after rest

• Lack of motivation or interest in work

• Increased irritability or frustration

• Difficulty concentrating or staying organized

• Feeling disconnected from your sense of purpose

Burnout is often situational—linked to your job, role, or responsibilities—and can improve with rest, boundaries, and lifestyle shifts.

What Is Depression?

Depression is a clinical mental health condition that affects your mood, thoughts, body, and ability to function day-to-day. While it can be triggered by stress, it tends to last longer and go deeper than burnout.

Signs of depression may include:

• Persistent sadness, emptiness, or hopelessness

• Loss of interest in activities you used to enjoy

• Feelings of worthlessness or guilt

• Changes in appetite, sleep, or energy levels

• Difficulty functioning in daily life

• Thoughts of death or suicide

Unlike burnout, depression doesn’t always go away with time off or self-care. It often requires professional support.

Burnout vs Depression: Key Differences

Burnout vs. Depression: Key Differences

Burnout:

• Usually tied to a specific role or situation (like work or caregiving)

• Often improves with rest, time off, or a change in environment

• You may still enjoy things outside the source of burnout

• Emotional exhaustion and irritability are common

• Feels like you're running on empty

Depression:

• Affects many or all areas of life, not just work or one situation

• Doesn’t typically improve without professional support

• Loss of interest or pleasure in nearly all activities

• Persistent low mood, hopelessness, or numbness

• Feels like a deep, lasting sadness or emptiness

When to Seek Help

If you're unsure whether you’re burned out or depressed, here’s the good news: you don’t need to diagnose yourself. A trained therapist can help you untangle what’s going on—and offer strategies for healing.

You deserve support if you’re:

• Constantly tired, even after resting

• Dreading your days

• Feeling emotionally numb or detached

• No longer recognizing yourself

• Wondering if this is “just how life is now”

Therapy Can Help You Feel Like Yourself Again

Whether you’re navigating burnout, depression, or both, therapy provides a space to slow down, reflect, and heal. Together, we’ll explore the root of what you're feeling and build a personalized plan to help you recover your energy, motivation, and sense of self.

How to Know If You're in a Healthy Relationship (And What to Do If You're Not)

Meta Description: Wondering if your relationship is truly healthy? Learn the signs of a strong connection—and what to do when things don’t feel right.
Target Keywords: healthy relationship signs, relationship red flags, therapy for couples, emotional safety in relationships

Relationships can bring joy, connection, and growth—but they can also bring confusion, anxiety, and pain. If you’ve ever asked yourself, “Is this relationship really good for me?” you’re not alone.

Whether you're dating, married, or somewhere in between, understanding what makes a relationship healthy (or unhealthy) is key to emotional wellbeing.

Let’s explore the signs of a healthy relationship—and what to consider if something feels off.

Signs of a Healthy Relationship

Healthy relationships are built on a foundation of mutual respect, trust, and emotional safety. Here are some common signs:

1. Open Communication

You feel heard and understood. You can express your thoughts, needs, and emotions without fear of being dismissed or attacked.

2. Emotional Safety

You don’t have to “walk on eggshells.” A healthy partner supports your mental health, respects your boundaries, and makes space for your feelings—even the tough ones.

3. Mutual Support

You both show up for each other. That doesn’t mean everything is always equal, but there’s a spirit of reciprocity and care.

4. Conflict That Leads to Connection

Yes, healthy couples argue—but the way you resolve conflict matters. Growth-focused conflict means you both listen, learn, and work to repair, not win.

5. Shared Values (or Respect for Differences)

You may not agree on everything, but your values align—or at least you can respect each other’s perspectives without control or judgment.

Signs Something Might Be Off

Sometimes, we overlook red flags because we’re trying to protect the relationship—or because we’ve gotten used to feeling anxious or unworthy. Here are a few signs to pay attention to:

• You constantly feel anxious, unseen, or insecure in the relationship

• You second-guess yourself or feel guilty for having needs

• Your partner mocks, ignores, or minimizes your feelings

• You're afraid to bring up certain topics for fear of a reaction

• You feel like you're the only one putting in effort to grow or repair

If this sounds familiar, it doesn’t necessarily mean the relationship can’t be healed—but it might be time to talk to someone.

Can Therapy Help?

Yes. Therapy can be a game-changer—for individuals and couples.

Couples therapy helps both partners understand each other more deeply, improve communication, rebuild trust, and learn new ways of connecting. Individual therapy can help you clarify what you want, strengthen boundaries, and unlearn relationship patterns that no longer serve you.

You don’t have to wait until everything is falling apart. Sometimes, the healthiest thing you can do is get support before it gets worse.

You Deserve a Relationship That Feels Safe

No relationship is perfect—but you deserve one that feels emotionally safe, respectful, and connected. If your relationship brings more pain than peace, therapy can help you make sense of what’s happening—and empower you to take the next right step.

Is Therapy Right for Me? What to Expect in Your First Session

Meta Description: Curious about starting therapy but not sure what to expect? Learn what really happens in a first session and how therapy can support your mental health journey.

Starting therapy can feel like a big step—and if you’re like many people, you may be wondering if it’s the right one. Whether you’re feeling overwhelmed, stuck in old patterns, struggling in your relationship, or simply wanting more clarity in life, therapy offers a space for healing, insight, and growth.

But what actually happens in therapy? And how do you know if it’s right for you?

Let’s walk through what you can expect in your first session—and why reaching out for support might be one of the most meaningful choices you make.

Why People Start Therapy

People begin therapy for many reasons, including:

• Anxiety, depression, or mood swings

• Grief, trauma, or painful memories

• Relationship conflicts or communication issues

• Life transitions (divorce, career change, new parenthood)

• Feeling "stuck" or overwhelmed

• A desire for self-understanding and personal growth

Therapy isn’t just for times of crisis—it’s a space to explore your inner world, build resilience, and create lasting change.

What Happens in the First Therapy Session?

Your first session is all about getting to know you. Here’s what typically happens:

1. We Talk About Your Goals

You don’t need to have everything figured out. Your therapist will help you clarify what you’re hoping to work on, whether it’s managing anxiety, improving your relationship, or just feeling more like yourself again.

2. You Share at Your Own Pace

You’re in control of how much you want to share. There’s no pressure to tell your whole life story right away. The goal is to create a safe, supportive environment where you can start feeling heard and understood.

3. You Can Ask Questions

This is your time. Feel free to ask about the therapist’s style, what therapy might look like, or anything else on your mind. A good therapist welcomes your curiosity.

Common Myths About Starting Therapy

“I should be able to handle this on my own.”
Struggling doesn’t mean you're weak. It means you're human. Therapy is a sign of strength and self-respect.

“It’s going to be uncomfortable.”
Therapy can bring up feelings—but it’s also a space where relief, insight, and connection happen. Most people feel a sense of hope after the first session.

“I have to know what to say.”
You don’t. Your therapist will guide the conversation and help you make sense of what’s going on.

Is Therapy Right for You?

If you’re asking the question, chances are the answer is yes.

Therapy offers a supportive, nonjudgmental space to explore what’s working—and what’s not—so you can move forward in your life with more clarity, confidence, and connection.

Ready to Take the First Step?

You don’t have to do it alone. I work with individuals and couples navigating trauma, anxiety, relationship issues, and life transitions. If you’re ready to feel better and build lasting change, I’m here to help.

How to Talk to Your Partner About Going to Couples Therapy

It’s not easy to bring up the idea of couples therapy. You might worry your partner will get defensive, feel blamed, or think you believe the relationship is doomed.

But couples therapy isn’t about pointing fingers—it’s about working as a team to strengthen your connection. If you’re wondering how to talk to your partner about trying therapy together, here are some practical, respectful tips to help you navigate the conversation.

Choose the Right Moment

Don’t bring it up in the heat of an argument or when tensions are high. Pick a calm, private time when you’re both relatively relaxed. For example:

“Can we talk about something important when you’re not too busy tonight?”

Setting the stage for a gentle, intentional discussion can make all the difference.

Use “We” Language

Framing therapy as something you’ll do together—rather than something they need—reduces defensiveness.

Try saying:

• “I think we could both benefit from talking with someone.”

• “I’d like us to feel closer and more connected. Maybe a therapist could help us get there.”

Avoid language that sounds like blame, such as “You need therapy” or “You’re the problem.”

Be Honest About Your Feelings

Share why you’re suggesting it, with vulnerability and care.

For example:

• “I love you, and I feel like we’ve been struggling to really understand each other lately.”

• “I’m worried we’ll keep having the same arguments, and I want us to break the pattern.”

Being open about your own fears and hopes shows you’re invested in the relationship—not attacking your partner.

Normalize Therapy

Many people still think therapy is only for couples in crisis. Explain that it’s a tool for any relationship.

You might say:

• “I think therapy could help us communicate better.”

• “Even strong couples can benefit from learning new skills.”

Offer to Research Together

Make it collaborative. Instead of saying “I already found a therapist,” invite them in:

Try:

• “Would you want to look at some options with me?”

• “Let’s see if there’s someone we both feel comfortable with.”

This helps your partner feel ownership over the decision.

Be Patient

Your partner might need time to think about it. Don’t push too hard or issue ultimatums if they’re hesitant at first.

Instead, say:

• “I understand you need time. I’ll be here to talk more whenever you’re ready.”

A Gentle Script Example

If you’re not sure how to phrase it, try this:

“I’ve been thinking a lot about us. I love you and I really want us to feel even closer and more connected. I wonder if talking to a couples therapist together could help us with that. What do you think?”

Final Thoughts

Suggesting couples therapy doesn’t mean your relationship is broken. It means you care enough to invest in it.

If you’d like to talk about how couples therapy works or want guidance on getting started, I’d be happy to help. Feel free to contact me for a consultation.

How to Rebuild Trust After Betrayal in a Relationship

When trust is broken in a relationship—through infidelity, dishonesty, or another form of emotional betrayal—the impact is deep. It can feel like the ground has fallen away beneath you.

Both partners may struggle with grief, anger, fear, and confusion about what comes next. Can trust really be rebuilt? Is it even worth trying?

The answer is: yes, it can be rebuilt. But it requires honest work, time, and a willingness from both people to face what happened and repair what was lost.

What Betrayal Does to the Brain

Betrayal isn’t “just” emotional—it also has a powerful neurological impact. When you discover you’ve been lied to or betrayed, your brain perceives it as a threat to safety.

This can activate your body’s fight, flight, or freeze responses:

• Anger or lashing out (fight)

• Avoidance, withdrawing (flight)

• Feeling numb or shutting down (freeze)

Stress hormones like cortisol and adrenaline surge. You may become hypervigilant, constantly scanning for signs it will happen again. Intrusive thoughts, sleeplessness, and difficulty concentrating are common.

Understanding this isn’t about excusing anyone’s behavior—but about recognizing that betrayal is a true trauma. Healing has to account for both emotional and physiological responses.

Why “Just Moving On” Doesn’t Work

After betrayal, some couples try to “just move on” quickly. The betraying partner may want to forget the past out of guilt or fear of conflict, while the hurt partner might feel pressured to forgive and forget to keep the peace.

But avoiding the pain doesn't heal it.

Without real repair work:

• Resentment festers beneath the surface

• Trust remains shaky or fragile

• Old wounds get reopened by new conflicts

• Emotional intimacy suffers

Trying to skip over the hard parts leads to distance—not healing. Instead, the betrayal needs to be openly acknowledged, explored, and processed.

Key Steps Toward Rebuilding Trust

Rebuilding trust is not a single event but an ongoing process. Here are the key steps:

1️⃣ Full Honesty and Transparency

The betraying partner needs to be completely open—even if it’s uncomfortable. Half-truths or omissions erode trust further.

2️⃣ Taking Responsibility

Real repair begins with sincere ownership. This means saying: “I hurt you. I understand that, and I am sorry,” without defensiveness or blame-shifting.

3️⃣ Answering Questions Respectfully

The hurt partner may need to know details to make sense of what happened. Answering these without anger or avoidance shows commitment to rebuilding safety.

4️⃣ Consistent, Trustworthy Behavior

Trust is rebuilt over time through repeated, reliable actions—not words alone. This might mean sharing whereabouts, checking in, or other agreed-upon boundaries.

5️⃣ Allowing and Validating Emotions

The betrayed partner will have pain, anger, and fear that need space to be expressed. This isn’t “dwelling on it”—it’s part of healing.

6️⃣ Setting Clear Boundaries

Couples need to define what is okay and not okay going forward. Boundaries protect the relationship and make it safer for both people.

How Therapy Helps Couples Reconnect

Healing after betrayal is hard to do alone. Couples therapy offers a safe, structured space to:

• Process the betrayal without escalating conflict

• Understand each partner’s emotional needs and triggers

• Learn healthier ways to communicate and respond to conflict

• Rebuild emotional and physical intimacy

• Establish new agreements and boundaries that feel safe

Modalities like Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) are especially helpful for couples recovering from betrayal. A skilled therapist can help you both feel seen, heard, and supported while working through the pain.

Final Thoughts

Recovering from betrayal isn’t about “getting back to normal.” It’s about creating something new—built on honesty, understanding, and real safety.

This takes courage and commitment from both partners. But many couples find that through this hard work, they actually develop a deeper, more resilient bond than before.

If you’re navigating this journey, know you don’t have to do it alone. Couples therapy can help you both find a path toward healing, trust, and connection—together.

Am I in a Trauma Response or Just Stressed Out?

We all get stressed sometimes. But if you find yourself overreacting to small triggers, shutting down in daily life, or feeling emotionally flooded by things others seem to handle with ease—you might be dealing with more than just “normal” stress.

You might be experiencing a trauma response—even if you don’t think of your past as traumatic.

Understanding the difference between stress and trauma responses is the first step toward healing. It helps you stop blaming yourself, start showing yourself compassion, and find support that actually works.

Common Signs of Trauma vs. “Normal” Stress

Stress is your body’s response to challenging situations—like tight deadlines, family demands, or financial strain. It usually has a clear cause, and when the situation resolves, your body returns to balance.

Trauma responses, on the other hand, often:

• Don’t match the current situation

• Feel out of proportion

• Persist long after the original event

• Show up suddenly, without a clear trigger

Here are some signs you might be stuck in a trauma response:

• Feeling emotionally numb or disconnected

• Overreacting to minor conflicts or feedback

• Trouble concentrating or staying present

• Avoiding people, places, or topics

• Panic attacks or sudden waves of anxiety

• Feeling “frozen,” like you can’t move or speak

• Constant hypervigilance or scanning for danger

• Intense guilt, shame, or self-criticism

If this sounds familiar, know that you’re not broken or overreacting. Your body may be carrying unprocessed pain—and trying to protect you.

The Nervous System’s Role (Fight, Flight, Freeze)

When we face something overwhelming or unsafe, our nervous system shifts into survival mode:

• Fight: anger, arguing, defensiveness

• Flight: anxiety, restlessness, people-pleasing

• Freeze: numbness, disconnection, feeling stuck

• Fawn: over-accommodating to avoid conflict

These responses helped us survive in unsafe or unpredictable environments. But when the nervous system stays “stuck on high alert,” it can cause emotional overload—long after the actual danger has passed.

This is why trauma isn’t just about what happened. It’s also about what happened inside you as a result—and how your body continues to hold onto it.

Why This Matters in Relationships and Work

If you’re living in a trauma response, it doesn’t just affect how you feel—it shapes how you show up in your relationships, career, and daily life.

You might:

• Shut down during conflict or feedback

• Overwork to feel safe or avoid feelings

• Struggle to trust others, even those close to you

• Feel like you're too much—or not enough

• Withdraw when you most need support

Trauma responses can make everyday life feel harder, heavier, and more confusing. But naming them is powerful. It helps you understand why things feel so hard—and that there’s nothing wrong with you.

What Healing Looks Like

You don’t have to stay stuck in survival mode. Healing is possible, and it doesn’t require you to “just get over it.”

Here’s what healing often involves:

• Trauma-informed therapy (like EMDR, somatic therapy, or parts work)

• Learning nervous system regulation tools (like breathwork, grounding, movement)

• Reconnecting to your body and emotions—safely, at your own pace

• Building supportive relationships where you feel seen, not judged

• Rewriting your inner story with more compassion, not blame

Healing takes time, but it’s real. And you don’t have to go it alone.

Final Thoughts

If you’ve been wondering whether you're “just stressed out” or stuck in something deeper, that curiosity is important. It’s a sign that some part of you already knows: this isn’t just about stress—it’s about survival.

You deserve to feel safe, calm, and connected again—not just functional.

If this resonates with you, consider reaching out to a trauma-informed therapist. You don’t need to have all the answers. You just need a safe place to start.